Advocating For Myself
In the beginning of my RPM journey, I had this insatiable desire to learn and do as much as I possibly could. Ready to conquer the world after years of silence, I had a lifetime of thoughts in my head. Perhaps I had the anger and frustration of a lifetime also. I wanted to prove myself and my intellect. I wanted to advocate for all non-speaking autistics. I wanted a "normal" education. What I wanted and what my unwilling body and nervous system could do were two very different things.
I was burning out on autism and trying to do all I could to keep my head above water. I remained in denial. I pushed myself harder and asked for more work, more goals, and more activities. When all was said and done, I was overwhelmed and resented not being capable of living life to my interpretation of its fullest. I finally talked to my parents and advocated for myself. Having their support meant the world to me. I took a break from academics, learned how to conserve my energy, and accepted that it's okay to do what I can even though it seems my friends can do so much more.
Having time to be "me" lessened my anxiety and brought balance to my life. I still have goals and I still plan to advocate. I want to encourage others to advocate for themselves. To do life as an autistic is hard enough without adding our own preconceived notions about what we think we should be doing.
From The Listeners Book Club
ReplyDelete-Brielle: My squad girl, Brynn, is so strong. I’m proud of you.
-Ryan B: it is so true autism is exhausting on the body and mind
-Kelly: I’m proud of you
-Kate: hurrah for you Brynn. We must protect ourselves against burnout and live our own lives.
-Aulton: Brynn, I definitely relate to being limited in my ability and yearnings to do so much more. I always want to do so many things, but Nikki and Courtney tell me to pace myself. I so understand you and I agree advocating is so important.
-Zac: Brynn, Thank you so much for sharing I am exhausted all of the time from trying to control my nerves and body. Your writing is absolutely my lived truth. Thank you for sharing it.
-Philip: I agree with you. Important to know our limits and advocate for ourselves.
-Pablo: good points. Think I tried to have a normal life too long. Think facing my limits can be hard
-Thomas: Amazing Brynn, you bring your loving energy to everything.
-Fox: Entirely agree Brynn, gets overwhelming trying to talk all the time, gets frustrating trying to live normal life, has to be my life with my body with a normal for me life
-Ruhi: Brynn, you are role model for all of us, learning to set boundary is so difficult.
-Trevor: One happy day you will really have an independent story.
-Owen: brynn that hurts. I feeeel your choice is a good one.
-Arth: Honest and terrific post Brynn. Yes, being ourselves is hard enough.
-Matthew: I think you are really wise, Brynn.
-Emma: Its hard to keep up with others and achieving goals. In a calm and quiet day I can choose to do more. It’s commendable to back away from pressure and find happiness.