Advocating For Myself
In the beginning of my RPM journey, I had this insatiable desire to learn and do as much as I possibly could. Ready to conquer the world after years of silence, I had a lifetime of thoughts in my head. Perhaps I had the anger and frustration of a lifetime also. I wanted to prove myself and my intellect. I wanted to advocate for all non-speaking autistics. I wanted a "normal" education. What I wanted and what my unwilling body and nervous system could do were two very different things.
I was burning out on autism and trying to do all I could to keep my head above water. I remained in denial. I pushed myself harder and asked for more work, more goals, and more activities. When all was said and done, I was overwhelmed and resented not being capable of living life to my interpretation of its fullest. I finally talked to my parents and advocated for myself. Having their support meant the world to me. I took a break from academics, learned how to conserve my energy, and accepted that it's okay to do what I can even though it seems my friends can do so much more.
Having time to be "me" lessened my anxiety and brought balance to my life. I still have goals and I still plan to advocate. I want to encourage others to advocate for themselves. To do life as an autistic is hard enough without adding our own preconceived notions about what we think we should be doing.
