In his book The Sociological Imagination, C.W. Mills explains that individuals feel alienated because they cannot see the connection between their experiences, society and history. Some people are so wrapped up in their own problems that they can't see how history and societal forces have caused their troubles. Some concepts of the Sociological Imagination mark my life experiences. It is hard for me to risk independence with autism and apraxia. Most people have some idea of what autism is. Apraxia is a neurological disorder characterized by the inability to perform purposeful movements or gestures despite having the physical capability and understanding to do so. The struggle of my life is to not need so much help with activities in my day.
Ever since I was young, autism has been an alienating factor in my life. Whether it's socializing or making friends, my brain needs so many different stimuli to function. Getting my body to cooperate is like moving a mountain. I cannot stop moving and it diminishes my feeling of autonomy having others help me all the time. I need my real thoughts not so measured by my nonspeaking identity. It makes me mad and I feel intensely helpless to change others’ perceptions of me. I really want society to change how alienating it is to have autism and apraxia.
I’m making some progress in making purposeful movements. It helps if people are patient in giving me time to learn. Sometimes I get dysregulated and make a lot of noise. I really try to control my challenging body but I struggle. Having no control makes me frustrated. It makes it difficult for my caring aides to help me. They would not need training to work with me if society was more inclusive. It’s not really helpful to not see my efforts and assume I freak out on purpose.
Growing up I felt excluded from regular education. I learned very little in elementary school because I was in special education. I was blamed for this exclusion because of my disability rather than being included. This is like the concept of blaming good people’s biology for problems in society. When I was 8, I learned to communicate using a letterboard. My world all changed. Gone was the frustration of making real efforts to use communication apps that were too hard for my motor skills. My spelling allowed me to show I understood regular education. However, teachers and administrators at school didn’t give me access to my letterboard so I could not show my intelligence. Even though my parents advocated for me to be able to use it, the school refused. It was a violation of my right to choose the best communication method for me under the Americans with Disabilities Act. The same thing happened to many nonspeaking autistics across the country. Other students intensely advocated and it became not just a personal trouble. It became a public issue. Loud advocacy is still needed.
In middle school, I was still in special education but had no nonspeaking peers. I really hated school because those teachers intensely babied me. I had no meaningful education. I responded with apathy. In addition,so much stimuli resulted in information overload. It added to my overall sense of alienation.
Definite improvement came during COVID when I was homeschooled with my letterboard to communicate my understanding of general education. In high school, I
It is hard for me to see in history that most people didn’t want to make or sustain efforts to include people with disabilities. It was not until 1973 that Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act was passed giving civil rights to people with disabilities in federally-funded programs. Before that, people with disabilities could not attend public school. In 1990, the Americans with Disabilities Act expanded rights of people with disabilities to state and local governments and private employers. I am as troubled by the frank inclusive language of the ADA that is not being followed as I am at the lack of inclusion in school. I get angry that the law is not being implemented for quality of life for people with disabilities. School administrators have no right to exclude autistics and they do it anyway. Advocates sharing some real stories of the struggles of autistics makes people angry that they need to change how they view disability. The lack of shared values makes it hard to make progress in inclusion of people with disabilities.
I really see lack of inclusion as moral breakdown because interest in helping others has changed in modern society. Not so many people respect the golden rule that you should treat others the way you want to be treated.
In artistic, caring settings, I have seen people shift their perspectives on disability. In my painting classes, there is a critique at the end of the class by professional artists. There is a discussion with real comments from nonspeakers who spell on a letterboard. The artists critiquing the paintings mentioned that they never
Mills says that when you see the connection between individual biology, history and society it may empower you to make changes in society. Some say Martin Luther King recognized this and it made him able to have a great impact on civil rights. I definitely want to make a difference in how society views autism: not as really sad but just different. Marginalizing me makes some people feel better or more all right because they don’t have my challenges. I really see having autism as a major challenge but not giving me no reason to hope for a happy life.
In a mesmerizing lasting summer hour
Resting on a sleepy star
Hastened, wearing purple masks
Some thoughts on who we really are
Seeds of golden ageless trees
Dreams of painted destinies
Thoughts of river, rain and stars
Wonder who we really are.
Caring Connections
Opportunity to Grow
Melding Minds
Making Friends
Understanding Self and Others
No Judgement
Inquiry
Trusted Guides
“You Are IN!”
Sometimes I wonder what is love.
Is it a flower’s happy song?
Is it a ringing growth of trees?
Is it a charming trill of birds
Awaking beautiful sunrise?
Is it an ocean morning waves
That whisper peacefully and nice?
Is it a smile on your face,
Or holding hands, or darling eyes?
Sometimes I wonder what is love.
Is it a friendly mother’s voice?
Her soothing song, her wise advice,
Her words of love to memorize.
Is it a warm, comforting home
Stored in your heart?
When times are rough, come back,
And worries of the day
Will disappear sure enough.
Sometimes I wonder what is love.
Love dwells in every word above.
Hi friends! When I wrote an article with my dad last fall about my journey, I was asked to write a bit about myself for a video. I wanted to share this with you to give you more insight into my life. Thank you!
If you knew what I know
You wouldn't despair
You would let go
And ease
You must not let
Hurt and angst
Wound you
Callous indifference
Pierce you
Worry consume you
The lack of friends, milestones
Jarring harsh truths
Consume you
It all eases in its own way
We all come with our own unique story
Some call it destiny
But I have learnt
To be in the moment
Not expect or control the outcomes
Is that what maturity is
Need story notes, brain is fried
Neurotic stray ideas have dried
Should it be a love glow?
Should it be a death blow?
Can you put a twist?
Can you hide a tryst?
Will it happen in a manor?
Will it play in a banner?
Does our curse lives on tomorrow?
Does the girl have time to borrow?
What seeds rise from the fire?
What races survive the mire?
When will the story end?
Before it begins or when I hit send?
On a previous post, you saw some of our spellers' reflections on our friend Devon's spirituality documentary. For those who would be interested in seeing it for yourselves, the link is attached below. It is an amazing watch and I am sure you will be as moved by it as much as we were!
February 25th, 2026
I’m sitting and thinking and wondering something strange.
If a magical man came to wash my autism away,
Would I let him? I’m not so sure I would.
I think many might let him, if they could.
But mine is a flying sparrow that is loving and sweet.
It means a lot to be given special gifts that are a treat.
I sing with my mom and I read with my dad.
So much time together that I wouldn’t have had.
I have so many friends in so many places.
A group of angels with familiar, kind faces.
I appreciate studying and reading is a wonder.
I sometimes think that maybe autism isn’t a blunder.
I wouldn’t have all of this if I had a typical mind.
I might not sit and really listen and I might not have time,
To share all of my thoughts and paint the world with colors so bold,
I might not appreciate nature and be in a hurry to get old.
I might be silly and maybe I’m just plain wrong,
But I think autism is the heart and melody of my most magnificent song.
These spirituality reflections are in response to a spirituality documentary by our friend, Devon
Aiden-I find most majestic peace in nature
Nadia-Nature and ancestors are where spirit dances me
Fox-Do make the best of being in nature, it's good for mind and body
Brielle-God loves us quietly. We are all a family.
Brynn-I feel very strongly that God has a purpose for all of our lives. Life is a beautiful gift and I am blessed
Thomas-I have prayed in nature
Devon-If I could add one more thing it would be that spirituality is in everything even in inanimate objects
Pablo-Want to say that spirituality has to touch every moment that I live. It is in understanding and friends and good food and prayer and music. I am a spiritual being
Aulton-It's hard to explain, but taking a note from Devon, I would say God shows us love through his creations including everything in nature and all of our blessings. My relationship with Him is personal and sacred.
Quince-I would have talked about so nice that I can make my body run. I feel true freedom from my disability when I run
Miller-Calling on all Speller's to show the world that love is silent. I love to silently show that love isn't loud. God hears all we have to say and so do those that love us.
